at least the lakers dont let me down

i gotta admit, this last weekend really opened my eyes on alot of things. 1. i really hate some people from my past. aristoi is one of them. what a disrespectful fuck. he not only inconvenianced me and my vacation, but he disreaspected c. what a piece of shit. i hate people that feel like they are entitled to everything. he has been nothing but a negative influence on almost everybody i know. i mean i dont hate him, but i do hate the way he is. 2. i guess that no matter how i try or what i do i am never going to get what i want out of chelsea. its not that i want much, i just want her to give a fuck about someone else besides her and what we do have. it might be selfish of me to feel this way but honestly i dont trust her. there is just something about her that makes me question her honesty and integrity. i mean she wants/expects me to be at her side and just be willing to do what ever she wants. im not opposed to doing things for her, but if its just for the fact to doing them, i dont want to. im not her errand boy and im not her accsessory but she often treats me that way. i understand she is going through changes but it was this way before she was pregnant. sometimes she acts like she wants to be with me, when its conveniant to her, and most of the time she doesnt. i dont know how long i can keep this up. i think that people who have come before me with her have screwed it up for me. i guess its just weird when a guy does want to be good to you and does want to be there for you without all the drama. im not perfect by any means and im sure she will take this the wrong way if she reads this, but i dont really care anymore. i cant be the only one that wants this. its causing me way to much unneeded stress. i love her to death, but i cant be the only one with those feelings. or the only one that wants things to work out. i guess that i am just gonna have to quit trying for now as clichè as it sounds, if its meant to be it will be. 3. THANK GOD THE LAKESHOW IS BACK. I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH CHELSEA AND MY FRIENDS. CANT WAIT TO DO IT AGAin

my new one

so some things have changed in my life since the last time i was on this stupid thing...hahaha i guess this is someones way oof telling me to grow up. i have been very comfortable for quite awhile and now i wake up everyday with a sudden sense of urgency...i would love to say that i am motivated and excited and scared, but to be honest i dont know how i feel. plus dealing with someone else that im sure is going through the same thing has its good and bad moments. im trying to learn to deal with the way things are most likely goin to happen. i always imagined being in this situation with someone that i loved and cherished and held above all others and the feeling would be mutual. im not in that situation at all. i know that right now my happiness is the least important thing but it hurts daily to feel a certain way about someone to be constantly remind that those feelings are not mutual. i have to think about the future and how my actions now will affect the rest of my life and my responsibilities. i Re really shouldnt bitch

you

what is it about you that makes so irresistible to me? is it your "ass"ets? is it your smile? is it your sense of humor? well as great as all these features are i think it is your perfect imperfections that are so appealing to me. i love that you are always late. you could plan something months in an advance and still be a week late. the fact that you get lost easily is funny too. even though i will admit you have shown some improvment in this department. i love the fact that you are so over whelmed by life sometimes but you keep trekin on. i hope to continue to get to know you and your overall being. it is a daily excitement for me too see where the c train will lead me

blaaam

i have always shied away from dating in the work place. i think it causes problems because people see each other so much. I've always done pretty good about following the rule.......until now. while i don't regret it i do wonder if it is even worth pursuing. i have seen so many horrible relationships in my days and all i strive for is a healthy one. but in my experience ive never really witnessed one so it is definitely new terrain. im not an asshole by nature but there is something about relationships that bring out the worst in people. i want this to be good but not just for me but for the other party as well. i just hope my own stupidity doesn't ruin a good thing, that is one thing i am definitely known for....hahahah just check my facebook....anyways here is to swimming and summer brew

fuch

well it looks like i have been conned into joining this crap....simply by reading other peoples..I'm not so self righteous that i believe anybody wants to hear what goes on in my mind but if u do care to read, thanks....i guess